the boy who was actually sane

~Divya Sharma

---

Let me tell you all a story, it’s pretty mundane if one were to read but it’s the boy's life written in a few pieces.

There was a boy, small some 5’5 if not smaller. He was weird as a kid, never loved to be in a situation where the final thing fall on him. The weight of the what-if was always too heavy.

he was around 9 when he develops a habit of the beats, rhythm, and drumming. Do you know what the real deal was? People started to notice, his constant hand shaking, his eye darting around the room when he was surrounded, his parents weren't too rich and that’s the thing with middle class, if you are not dying you are probably fine cause there is always something else that needs the money, you can’t afford to have sent this child in therapy, he had it all and it all was supposed to be easy according to his parents

It’s not it was their fault either, they did everything they can, yet some of us are born that way.

The boy is not small anymore, he is 16 and he scores well in school cause that’s how it is supposed to be, he can’t disappoint his parents. yet when the pressure settles in, it is so darn hard to breathe. He hits the wall now, running an extra mile to turn off the energy coursing through his veins.

*tap tap tap* a count till 3, breath in *tap tap tap* breath out and the cycle goes like this.

He feels trapped in his own body. There is always a sense of doom looming.

“ stop being dramatic everyone has anxiety” “You don’t even struggle in academics so it’s fine. deal with it” “Grow up stop shaking the hand “ “Sit still why can’t you “ “It’s not that hard to just stop moving your body”

and so on the line goes, they don’t see it though.

They don’t see him scratching his hand raw, they don’t see the endless night of torture while he forces himself to read the same thing repeatedly because his brain won’t shut up and read it at once. He is not normal, maybe he is going insane he whispers in the darkness. but that doesn’t matter you have good grades and a charming smile.

The boy is 25 now, the cycle continues, and he is better at hiding it now. He finally mustered the courage to go to therapy. “ so you always have felt this way or is it new?” the therapist asked. He looked up confused “It’s always been there forever”. “ you understand that you suffer from severe anxiety?” the therapist asked. “What do you mean, I thought it was normal, doesn’t everyone feel that way? Wasn’t it supposed to get normal when you grow up?” he asked feeling his hand tremble again in his lap. “ no, and not everyone feels this way my luv, and that’s ok we are here to help you, you are not weird”

Relief like one he has never known coursed through him, so this was not him going insane it appear.

**************************************************************************************

This is one of the many stories about people suffering from anxiety. I request you all to be kind toward others because we never know what someone is going through, what might appear as a small problem to one could be the hardest thing to another. Grace cost you nothing.